Very recently people keep reminding me how much pressure is on my back. That pressure is to do well at school; not only that but to be the best, to get straight As so i can go to the best uni. All about competition to be the best of the best.
Why?
People expect way too much from me and in the end they are all just disappointed. I try my best, i do, but i know that my best is not always good enough. And i always think, well, what else do you want me to do? I can't do anything else to console you or live up to your expectations.
People don't understand how difficult it is, everything piling up and parents are everything but supportive, which does not help at all, it just pressures me even more.
I think my point is really that, I am in desperate need of a long, relaxing holiday.
I am not saying I cannot deal with it because I am at the state of 'end' but it does remind me of those who suffer deeply from the mistakes made by society (society being us!!). My best friend, she used to suffer from bulimia for a while. I did not find out until probably after a few months she had first started making herself sick. This scared me very much.
I found out on a night out, a terrible, terrible night out. We decided it would be a good idea to camp out in a field at night by a fire in sleeping bags and getting smashed. Indeed, big mistake.
My best friend had had way too much to drink and was being sick everywhere and could hardly stand. I remember seeing her stick her fingers down her throat several times and I guessed that this was a regulation in her life, unfortunately.
This
scared
me.
I asked her 'why?' and she said, 'I am fat' (slurring extremely, of course). From this I cried simply because she is the most beautiful person I know. She means an incredible amount to me and I don't know where I would be without her.
There are many reasons why my best friend made herself sick and still hates the way she looks.
- her parents- her mum, specifically, is a lovely woman, but she is sometimes harsh on my friend and I can tell that it upsets my friend extremely. To the point where she will get into a 'depressed' state. The reason depressed is in inverted commas is because I do not know if my friend is properly depressed but I have seen her in states that worry me.
- friends- one friend in particular, i will refer to her as 'x', is as blunt as a butter knife and because she her body is perfectly carved without effort and a size 4/6 (UK), she believes every girl of a bigger size than 6 is fat, ugly and worthless. I remember distinctively, x said 'well, obviously *my friend* thinks she's fat so maybe she should go and do something about it hahahaha'. I wanted to cry and at the same time slap x around the face.
- media- I think we all know what I'm talking about. Why is the media still a contributing factor for the reasons rates of bulimia/anorexia/depression/anxiety are becoming increasingly high??
- school- we go to a school with only girls and so the pressure to look the best is stupidly high. because girls are seeing other girls with tons of makeup on, back-combed hair, the best clothes available and of course the tiniest bodies you could imagine, every one is competing with another in order to be the best, look the best, liked the most, admired the most.
Competition.
Always,
so
much
fucking
competition.
I know too many people who have self-harmed. That's either through cutting, forcing themselves to be sick, pushing themselves to the point of exhaustion to where they cannot even function properly. Yep, I know people who have been through this. What can I do? What can we do?
There must be something we can do.
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